Where am I?

This blog is not about an act of love but about what is on my heart. I felt like writing to God and decided to post it up so here it goes. Lord where am I? I know you are right with me, and that I am not alone. In some ways I think back to missions when I was so focused on wanting to see something tangible but at the same time doesn't feel the same.

When I was in high school I had acts of love to do everyday looking forward to serving you and your people day to day. Yet in my new environment it seems so difficult. Not only that I have no confirmation on which path I am going down, I have an ideal but still my vision is blurred.

The feeling is so weird because I am not dry, your glory is strong your love overwhelms me. Yet for some reason I feel so..contained, so weird its hard for me to explain.

I have read this letter in my bible which is a combination of scriptures goes a little something like this:

My Beloved

I know that you have become weary and feel the weight of the world on your shoulders. Come to Me and I will give you rest. Bring all your anxiety and fear to me and leave them with Me. I will keep you in perfect peace when you keep your mind on Me and trust Me. I care about you.

Know that I have given you My peace. I do not give to you as the world gives...and then takes away. So do not let your heart be troubled and do not be afraid. I will fill you with joy and peace if you will trust in Me.

Instead of dwelling on confusion and anxiety, present your concerns to Me in prayer, and be thankful. Then let your mind dwell on things that are true and noble, things that are right and pure, things that are lovely and admirable- all that is excellent and praiseworthy. And the peace you will have-My peace-you will not be able to explain to others. No one can understand it, but you can have it.

Live your life according to my instructions, and I will be with you; because I am the God of peace, My peace will stand guard over your heart and mind in Christ Jesus.

Isa 26:3; Mt 11:28; Jn 14:27; Ro 15:13; Php 4:6-9; 1Pe 5:7

Now after reading this I feel a weight lifted off me. I realized I was worrying even though I thought I wasn't, that easily I was worrying. I also realized I hadn't spoken to God about what was on my heart, something was holding me back, I'm not sure what it was.I had this feeling that made me think I had to be doing something spiritual to feel better. However this is wrong because it is not us at all but 100% God, he just chooses to use us and in the process we are also blessed.

This proves how powerful Gods word is. I encourage all of you to read your bibles, if all of our troubles just stopped and we never felt anxiety a struggle, then we would cease to pick up our bibles. Some times we want a direct answer, and that direct answer is the bible.

Honestly a couple nights ago I finished a book of the bible and I felt like I didn't know where to go next, I kind of wanted something that would apply to what I was going through, but just read. God has surprises in every books of the bible, and he will bless you in more ways than one.

Never forget:

Future Glory

¹⁸I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.

Back to the basics

Today I had a wonderful day, and as it was coming to an end I realized I hadnt done an act of love. So I decided to pray for a couple of my friends over facebook after hearing what they were going through.

The thought of knowing someone is keeping you in prayer is comforting and encouraging in any situation. Sometimes God wants us to just check up on the people who we are close to because you never know how you may be used or which one of your friends could use a talk.

Now unto the one

Today was an interesting day, I woke up knowing I had praise practice which I was excited for and then evangelizing with Erica and Stacy. When I woke up I felt like worshiping so I grabbed my guitar and began to play a couple songs. Soon after I began to spend some time in the bible and I reviewed Romans.

A little time after I felt like worshiping some more and it was at this point I felt caught up in the spirit. I have been previously going through a roller coaster ride with God where all he has been asking of me was to trust him. Thats all he just wants me to trust him no matter the situation or circumstance. So thats what my previous month has been like.

Once again it is hard for me to put into words what has been going through my mind or where I have been going but all I know is God is present and that he is moving.

Today after praise practice I met up with Stacy and Erica and we prayed for what we would be doing today.We went to go eat because I was starving, and then Erica said she felt we should go to Cali Yogurt so we headed there afterwards.We ended up meeting to students that go to Torrance high a sophomore and a senior. We found out that the sophomore had a foot injury and once we heard Erica was immediately filled with Joy. God had spoken to her not only to come to come to Cali Yogurt but that someone would need healing.

He told us he had a fractured foot and we began to pray for him. At first he said it felt a little better so we prayed more and then he said it felt 90% better. He was able to stand on his tippy toes and hop on it a little. He was supposed to be out of football for 2months. They were both pretty shocked.

I realized two things, not only am I capable of being used by God in anyway but also that it is time I begin to walk again. God has been transitioning me in and out of so many things I honesty didnt know where I was going and I still dont. Yet that doesn't frighten me, because I know he wants me to trust in him. However one thing I do know is it is time to pick up my cross and to spread his love by not only evangelizing but through the much more he has before me.

Sometimes we limit God and what he wants to do in our life without even knowing it. The prayers we pray he hears them, and he will answer them sometimes when you least expect it.

Fresh Start

Hello, it has definitely been awhile since I have blogged. I have been on a journey with God and after what has happened in the previous two days I'm going to start walking with God in a new way. How I feel right now cant be put into words however the spirit is with me and thats all I need.

Two days ago I went with a couple of my friends to pick one of our friends up from school. So we drove picked him up and then headed back. It was filled with many laughs and a search for a place to eat and so on. Finally as we were on our way back to church about 5minutes away we see a truck.

It was being pushed by a man and a woman. It was around 1 am and so we busted a U turn and hopped out of our car to help them push. We began pushing and the next thing we knew another guy hopped out of his car and helped push as well. we had 5 people pushing this truck down Sepulveda. Finally we got it to the gas station, said our goodbyes and wished them a great night.

This gave me a refreshing feeling of living a Love life and it is driving me to pursue God and his ways.

Summer of Love" AAA"

Well, after coming back from Korea God has been revealing so much to me through the spirit and its just been amazing. I decided it was time to continue blogging and sharing Gods love where and when I can.

The other day I spent time with my friend kris, and after we were hanging out i took him to his car because I had a meeting with woojoo jdsn. We had a great talk and I shared with her about all the things God was showing me in my life. After that it was time to go home but then I realized that I had a missed call.

Krisitian had called me and asked if I had AAA, so I called him up and told him i did. I wasn't too far from his house so i decided to drive there to help. Unfortunately he had locked his keys in his car but didn't have a spare.

I called up AAA and got them to come and unlock the door. Locking your keys in your car can be a hastle. So I was happy to come and help.

Summer of Love " South Korea"

Hello, sorry for my absence. After I came back from SK I needed a lot of rest and just spent time with God. Now I will share a condensed version of my missions trip there with you hope it blesses.

My mission trip to South Korea was an absolute blessing and gift from God. Missions was not at all easy yet through God it was the most amazing and blessing thing I have been a part of. I was extremely eager to go to missions, and was thankful for such an opportunity. Surprisingly right before we left for missions I became very sick. I prayed about it and went anyways, and had the worst plane ride of my life.

Once we arrived in Korea I was feeling better so I was thankful and eager to embark on my new journey with God. It was amazing being there, yet once night time came I began to get sick again. I remember talking with우 주 전 도 사 님 about how broken I felt and how I was just tired of being sick, tired of not sleeping and tired of not knowing if I was going to be ok. It was then she told me not to try and figure out what God had in store for me but to just trust in him. I was unable to sleep this night as well and this was my third not without sleep. That day I was taken to the hospital and received an IV for 5 hours. I was given sleeping pills and by the grace of God I was able to sleep that night and woke up ready to go to our first church 화 수 교 회.

After arriving and meeting the kids we were eager to start our first day and so we all went to sleep eager for what was ahead of us. The first day went well and we met with all of the kids. On the second day all of the teachers began to bond with the kids and I started to experience the language barrier. At first I didn’t want to let it defeat me but as time went on it became more and more discouraging. After awhile I became saddened and had to come to God for help. This was not something I could do on my own and I eagerly wanted to bond, and share God’s love with them, yet I felt so disconnected. Thankfully God reminded me that I just need to trust in him and that all things would work together for the good.

We had many great times experiencing Korean Culture through great foods, and scenery. It was a blessing to have met their 목 사 님 하 고 전 도 사 님 and to serve with them. They were so gracious and eager to have fun with us. Their heart and spirit for God was a blessing. At the end of the first church I realized that all of us could rejoice whenever any of us bonded with one of the children or got to share a testimony because we are a mission TEAM. As we headed to our second church I was eager for what God had for us there, and wanted to give it 100% just like our first church.

The first thing I noticed was that a lot more people spoke English at this church which was a blessing. We settled in and noticed a difference about this church but couldn’t pin point it. Our first day was a lot more difficult at this church because we taught our 1^st class for an extra hour because we had no clock. After this we were drained yet through God we were able to get through the day and we were blessed to be taken out that night. It just so happened that I was able to share my passion for Korean Culture and how God used that in my life with one of the volunteers that night as we were on our way back from our outing. By our second day we began to adapt to our classes and we had a clock to tell what time it was.

We began to notice the struggles of the church and continued to pray that God would reveal to us what this church was experiencing. This church was a lot quieter and weren’t as open or responsive to us. Also after E-camp was over all of the kids went home and a lot more of them struggled from the strains and pressures of school. The Sunday before our 3^rd day I began to realize I had a heart for two of our volunteers. We recently found out they weren’t Christian but I felt God wanted them in his Kingdom so I continued praying for them. I still didn’t know what God had for me on this mission trip I hadn’t felt like I was used yet and eagerly wanted to serve him.

This had been my prayer all through missions and I knew I just had to trust in him. At the end of our first class on day 3 I decided to spend my break praying, so I stayed in our classroom and opened up to God. I was frustrated and eagerly wanted to be used I felt as if mission was coming to a close and just felt so lost. It was at this moment God reveled to me a vision of our mission team and how each of the members were used in a specific way. We were just as the body of Christ different but together and with God as our foundation were his instrument. It was just so beautiful so amazing and I was so blessed by it. It was then I no longer focused on how exactly I was being used because it was never about me but about what God wanted for this mission trip. I was eager to share this with the mission team and at night during our meeting we were all awakened by this. We then prayed intensely for the church having faith that God would move and that his love wouldn’t fail.

The Next day I was able to pray for 임 목 사 님 the educational director and as I grasped his hands I felt a rush of anxiety come over me. We continued to pray and afterwards I could tell he was going day to day with so much stress and pressure on him. Yet I knew God was with him and that even though he was experiencing difficulties God was with him every step of the way. Finally our last day came, and even though we were all tired God was our strength and we pursued through it. At the end of the day I got to witness the head 목 사 님 along with 임목 사 님 and all of the전 도 사 님 sitting at the same table laughing and smiling. Yet Gods joy and love didn’t stop there but at the end of the night the two volunteers who were night Christian, came to Christ in the name of Jesus. There is no word or sentence I can use that can sum up how great this missions was but one thing I do know is that we are so blessed to have Jesus Christ as our savior.

Summer of Love " Day 2"

Good morning, well as you know I have began my summer and I haven't been posting everyday like before. Honestly its been very interesting. I recently feel refreshed in the spirit. It wasn't that I didn't want to blog or even show love but more of laziness taking over in the summer. I would wake up in the mornings and talk with God about wanting to share his love but by the end of the day It would kind of slip my mind. In a way I guess the urgency kinda faded away, but this faded away with my hunger for being with God.

I wasn't doing my qt's frequently and was just enjoying summer. Yet at the beginning of this week God blessed me and kept me in check. He allowed me and Aaron to be able to share his love to a couple who had been having a tough time. We were on our way to church to meet up with some friends, when we were at the light of Cabrillo and Carson. I happened to be looking to my left and I saw a car turn the corner an a man hopped out and then I realized he was running to the back so he could push the car to a safe area. I felt something in my spirit driving me to help them, but I had headed to church to see if people were waiting for us.

I arrived at church, and no one was there so I called to check where they were and the second I found out they were at home I knew I was going back to check on that couple. Ironically when I told Aaron we were heading back he said he knew we were gonna go back. So we drove down Cabrillo, but they weren't in their car, so we drove down Cabrillo further an then U-turned heading back towards church. I made a right on Carson hoping to see them heading that way, yet they weren't there either So I U-turned again an drove made a right on Cabrillo drove past Church. Still no dice, so I drove towards Carson street and finally our friends called us to let us know they were at church.

However we weren't satisfied an I wanted to drive past their car one more time when finally by the grace of God we saw them walking on the street. We pulled over explained how we had saw them and asked if we could give them a ride to the gas station which was right down the street. They began to share with us all they had went through in the last couple days and how amazing God was to help them through us. We arrived at the gas station, and they had a oil bottle that could only hold a gallon, so Aaron bought them a gas can and filled it with Gas so they could have more than just a gallon.

It was a blessing to see that through all they were going through God was prominent in their lives and that he was with them every step of the way. We dropped them back off at their car and after saying our goodbyes told them it was a blessing meeting them.

This was the spark God used to rekindle the fire in my heart, the burning passion that fills me with everlasting joy that is impossible to explain. Sometimes we can become tired, become burnt out, and in these moments God decides to bless us with an experience only he can give. Thank you Lord, because You are so mighty, thank you Lord because you are unchanging and even when we fail, when we forget, when we turn our backs you are still there. Lord I thank You, I need you and I surrender to you. I ask that you will continue to fan my spirit into a flame, that will exemplify your love.